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I wish I had the ability to sleep at will. To be able to just lay down and go to sleep. To not have to fight with my brain to shut it down and go to sleep. To not have to fight with my eyes to keep them closed when the lights go out. Kind of like my best friend, who swore that since they leave for their vacation tomorrow, she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. She’s snoring (I’m taking care of her cat while she’s gone), and I’m wide awake. As per usual.

It doesn’t matter if I am at home in my own bed or here at the best friend’s house. I am always wide awake until 3-4 in the morning. Then I get up to go to work at about 11:15. Probably 10:45 or so these next few days since I have to catch the bus, but still. I get up anywhere from 5-7 hours after I go to sleep. Sometimes I’ll sleep for several hours on Saturday just to catch up on my sleep, but really, that doesn’t happen all that often. I am more likely to be up by 11 anyways. It really sucks.

If my mom were here, she would tell you that I have been this way my whole life. She used to tell me that I would take forever to fall asleep and then if the slightest noise was made, I would wake up. She dreaded having the phone or doorbell ring, because I would be awake for hours after that. She couldn’t listen to music or watch TV while I was asleep because I wouldn’t stay asleep.

Sometimes I wonder if certain people are not simply just wired differently. By that I mean that they simply require less sleep or are simply just unable to sleep as well as the experts say they should. I have never had a sleep study done on me, but I probably should. The strange thing is, my doctor has never suggested one. Ever. He has suggested a lot of things, including diet changes, but has never suggested a sleep study. Probably a good thing, considering that I think I’ve already used up my insurance for the year.